November 20, 2012

Wallflower.


skirt, shirt, sweater, shoes, scarf (all s's...weird): thrifted, tights: walmart

Rob and I saw Perks of Being a Wallflower last week. It brought back all those feelings and memories of high school. No amount of money would ever make me consider doing high school over again. Gah, all those extreme emotions, stupid girls, and over-rated popularity. I had a hard time those three years. I remember my sophomore year, second semester, my only friend I had lunch with, switched lunches due to her schedule. I had no one to sit with. I remember asking these girls if I could sit with them and just knowing that they didn't like me one bit. But I had no one. I couldn't even bare sitting by myself. I sat with them for a couple days and then decided not feeling wanted was even worse. Every lunch I started working in the student store just so I didn't have to feel like an idiot anymore. I remember crying to my advisory teacher because I felt so alone. I even talked to the school counselor to see if I could switch my schedule so I could have lunch with my friend again--how embarrassing

Things eventually got better (don't they always). I eventually made more friends and I eventually started to enjoy my surroundings. But high school is just the weirdest stage in life. You have all these feelings and emotions that are felt to the extreme. If you're hurt, you are hurt so badly you think you're heart will explode. If you're mad, you think that this anger will never end. If you love someone, you think that it's real no matter how damaging and stupid it really is. You walk the hallways seeing all these different groups that you just want to fit in with. You see the cute boy who doesn't notice you. The catty girls that somehow you want to be friends with. The friends who party together on the weekend, but you don't drink so they don't invite you. 

I am so grateful that I do not have to live those years again. I'm also really grateful for supportive parents who helped me through it. My mom let me skip a lot of days. I think she knew how hard it was for me. I prayed a lot those years. I think it helped me appreciate my relationship with my Heavenly Father. My testimony of the Atonement definitely grew and I was able to cling to my Savior through unbearable moments. In retrospect though, I don't think being a wallflower is necessarily a bad thing. I think it's important to stand on your own sometimes. Although it can be so painful at the moment. There's always light at the end of a tunnel. It will get better. All bad moments make you appreciate the good ones. Change is consent. This little world that we live in will never stop. It's how you learn to live through it. That's really what matters. I wish I could have seen that back then. I'm so happy that I made it through high school in one piece. 

12 comments:

  1. the world would be a much better place if everyone had handled the stress of high school like you did. I can definitely relate to what you said about how those challenges brought you closer to God. I feel the same way. I would never want to live it again, but I would also never change it because of how I grew.

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  2. I needed to read this! Thank you!

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  3. My first high school was exactly how you're explaining it - the catty girls, the non stop drama and that general feeling of being super alone. But then I switched high schools halfway through - I chose to go to another one. And somehow it was five thousand times better. All of my best friends were found there - and we're all several years past high school now! It blows my mind how people say you meet your best friends in college/university, because I found mine in high school somehow. I guess I was lucky, but I also saw the other side of things at my first school, because I certainly was miserable beyond belief there. I used to cry on christmas break because I never wanted to go back to school haha.

    Great post! Very thought provoking.
    xo
    http://kittysnooks.blogspot.ca/

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  4. looooooooooooooove this outfit,it's perfect! baby pink and maroon are a chic combo, PLUS you added white and floral! I looove it!

    High school is some crazy times! It's interesting now to be married and to cut off a number of those friendships and memories - it's just time to grow up i guess.

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  5. High school had its bad times, but I always thought that middle school was way worse! It seems like the best people always seemed to not "fit in" in high school :) My best friend said that she was an awkward high school student, but man, she's one of the coolest people I know!

    And Perks was so good. I might go see it again.

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  6. High school was the worst. I have to admit, I still feel a little like that now, but we all know that anything is better than high school. I cried so hard during Perks. It was beautiful.

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  7. I love this post. I think you are amazing. I had some awkward years in high school too when I didn't feel like I had many friends. Freshman year was the worst for me. It's so true though, that everything is extreme when you are that age. It SO was for me. Your mom sounds awesome though. And I'm glad things got better :)

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  8. Ok just found your blog and I have been looking at it for about 3 hours. serious. So when I move back to Rexburg for school I want to go shopping with you! Also can you post some tutorials on how you make your cute skirts and headbands??

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  9. I had no idea you were experiencing these things in HS. You have, and still do, exude sweet, humble, inner confidence to everyone around you (imho). I think/know that comes from your internal sense of worth, knowing who you are, and that you are of royal birth. Love you bunches!

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  10. I still find this so hard to believe. I went to HS with you, never really knew you, but you were so radiant, so popular always surrounded with people that I envied it. I felt these exact feelings! I hated highschool. You know mean girls, how lindsay lohan's first day she eats lunch in the bathroom stall? Yup. That was me. And it sucked. I can relate, and am so grateful not only to have gotten through it, but to have had a Father in Heaven who loves me and helped me get through it. I think your mom and mine would get along; she would let me stay home too, but from girls camp. Tough times. Keep your head up beautiful! You are so loved by all.

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  11. Love the top - super adorable. But you can't really go wrong with baby pink AND polka dots :) Great find.

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